The 3 Most Common IEP Mistakes Parents Make and How to Avoid Them
If you’ve ever left an IEP meeting wondering what just happened, you’re not alone.
Let me be real with you: the IEP process wasn’t built with your child—or you—in mind. It was built to check boxes. To fit students into systems. And if you’ve ever walked out of a meeting feeling like your voice didn’t matter or like you missed your window to speak up, I want you to know something:
It’s not your fault.
But really.
This system teaches parents to stay small. To be agreeable. To trust that “the team knows best.”
And while there are absolutely educators doing their best to support your child, you also need to know how to show up at the IEP table with clarity, confidence, and a plan.
That’s what this post is here for.
We’re going to break down the three most common mistakes I see parents make during IEP meetings—and how to avoid them without losing your mind or burning bridges.
These aren’t failures. These are just patterns. And once you see them, you can start to shift them.
Mistake #1: Staying Quiet
The thought: If I don’t rock the boat, they’ll help me.
Sound familiar? This comes up all the time. Parents worry that if they speak up, ask too many questions, or (gasp) bring in an advocate, the team will think they don’t trust them.
But let me be frank: staying quiet doesn’t get services.
I once worked with a mom who sat through an entire IEP meeting nodding along—even though her gut told her something was off. Her son was struggling to read, but no one brought up reading support. She didn’t want to push, so she stayed silent.
A few months later, behavior issues started showing up. And guess what? They were tied to his reading struggles. That meeting had been her moment to intervene—but it passed.
Your takeaway: Advocacy doesn’t have to be loud, but it does have to be clear.
Start by identifying your non-negotiables. What’s the one thing you will not leave that meeting without addressing?
Then prep for it. I teach every client how to build an IEP binder—and how to use it at the table to stay organized and speak up without second-guessing themselves.
Mistake #2: Playing the Good Parent
The thought: If I’m polite and grateful, they’ll give me what we need.
I hear this all the time: “I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I don’t want to cause tension. I know the team is doing their best.”
And look—your kindness matters. Your gratitude is real. But being liked doesn’t equal getting your child what they need.
You can be kind and clear. You can be collaborative and confident.
One parent I supported regretted not asking one simple question after the team denied her child speech services: “Can I see the evaluation data that led to this decision?”
By her next meeting, she had practiced asking it. She used her notes. She stayed calm. And that one question helped her get services reinstated.
Shift your mindset: Being agreeable is not the same as being effective. And you don’t have to choose between being respected and being heard.
Mistake #3: No Strategy
The thought: I brought everything...but I didn’t know what to do with it.
You requested records. You highlighted pages. You printed goals. And then the meeting started—and it felt like a blur.
You’re not alone. This happens to even the most prepared parents.
Preparation is powerful only when it has direction.
One of my clients brought a beautifully color-coded IEP binder to her meeting. But when the team rushed through the goals, she froze. She didn’t know which tab to flip to. She wasn’t sure if they were repeating last year’s goals (they were).
Pro Tip: Ask for the IEP draft at least a few days before the meeting. That’s your right. Use it.
Make your notes. Flag your concerns. Highlight the gaps. And walk into that room with a strategy—not just a stack of paper.
You Can Advocate Without Apologizing
You are not asking for the moon. You are asking for your child to access what they are entitled to: a meaningful education that meets their unique needs.
You can say thank you and say, “I disagree.” You can build relationships and hold boundaries. You can walk into that room nervous—and still walk out proud.
Because the truth is, most parents don’t want to be difficult. They just want to be heard. And when you learn how to advocate without apologizing, without second-guessing, without over-explaining—everything starts to shift.
Want Help Putting It All Into Practice?
If you’re tired of winging it, I created The Enlightened IEP just for you.
Inside the program, I walk you through everything step-by-step:
How to prep for meetings with a calm, clear plan
What to say (and how to say it) when you need to push
How to understand the data without needing a law degree
How to ask for services and support with confidence and collaboration
You’ll get lifetime access to the course, plug-and-play templates for everything from parent letters to note-taking, plus optional 1:1 coaching and a private parent community.
Want in? Learn more about The Enlightened IEP
You’re not alone in this. You don’t have to settle for second-guessing. You don’t have to keep leaving meetings wondering what just happened.
You can walk in knowing exactly what you want, what to ask, and how to say it—calmly, clearly, and confidently.
And if you’re ready for that? I’d be honored to walk with you.
